Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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