i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
