Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
