dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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