Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
