I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
