She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Drake has all the answers
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
