When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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