I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
