I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this boner is exhausting
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
