im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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