Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
