Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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