I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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