hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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