you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
