the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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