We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
