first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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