Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
