I accidentally had phone sex last night
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
