I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
