he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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