shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
