make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize