My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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