If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize