Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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