dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
