upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
