i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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