the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
