I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The air taste purple.
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