I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
