just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
