Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
