he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
