And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
