remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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