Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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