Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
