If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
