i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
