something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
