I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize