i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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