I want to have your abortion
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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