I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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