there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
