I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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