You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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