carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
