If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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