just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I am morally bankrupt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
