I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
