I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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