Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
