Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
