gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
