If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
