He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
