Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
