Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
