The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
