If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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