Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
