While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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